I Hate Maroon 5 - "Rockist" Or Right?

I hate Maroon 5.

It is nothing personal, they seem like very nice people in all honesty. It is all about the music.

This week, it is your job to tell me if I am "Rockist" or right about Maroon 5 (add a comment saying "Rockist" or "Right" or vote in my Twitter poll, I will tally the votes and get back to you next week).

If you are wondering what "Rockism" is - it is when you are too cool for "fun" music. You know, when you are too busy judging music as a hipster/critic to enjoy it.

My Case Against Maroon 5

IMHO Maroon 5 are the "Rock" equivalent of dental surgery. They are Rock Muzak not Rock Music. I am pretty sure Air Supply would consider them soft. "Mmmbop" might be too close to rock for Maroon 5.

It is all processed vocals and programmed precision. All pretty faces and coifed hair (and that is just Adam Levine). It seems calculated and cynical to me.

I have a theory that the members of Maroon 5 hired an aged couple just to tell them to pull back whenever they are getting close to actual "Rock Music." 

I honestly believe it is their goal in life to be the adult version of the Jonas Brothers. And, they have pulled it off, read here (true proof that they are the anti-rock).

When I was growing up, the battle for best Rock band was between The Who or Zeppelin or The Beatles or The Rolling Stones. Later it was The Police, then U2, eventually Nirvana, then Radiohead. 

Now, it is Foo Fighters or Maroon 5 (sigh). I mean I guess I vote for Foo's (Foo's have occasionally Rocked)?

My Case For NOT Being A "Rockist"

If you are still unsure about what Rockism is - here is a link to the original article that defined it.

My reason for hating Maroon 5 is because they are anti-fun. Everything they do is tested like as if it were made in a music lab. I think they are credibly talented musicians who work hard at being a band that looks "right" but who anyone could play at the office with no problem.

My point is that Maroon 5 are the "Casual Friday" of rock bands.

Good Rock and Roll music is all about being messy, being loud, encouraging feedback, and having fun.

I am not saying Rock was better when I was young at all, I think there is a TON of great rock music being produced today (just look at my recent support for Big Ups, Protomartyr,  and Death Index).

Three bands at the epicenter of what I think good Rock is today are Japandroids, Cloud Nothings, and No Age. 

If you want something more literate and "adult" but still want fun, I have always loved The Hold Steady (especially before Franz Nicolay left the band).

And if you prefer softer, cleaner, more OCD rock, what about Canada's Stars (at least they are fun)?

Time To Vote

This new feature will normally appear on Wednesdays, but I am starting it today. Look for a new vote every Wednesday.

So, am I "Rockist" or Right about Maroon 5? Vote with a comment or look at the pinned Twitter Poll on my Twitter Profile (@OnPirateSat)

Do you like my new feature? What do you think about Maroon 5? Do you think I am "Rockist" Or am I Right? Leave a comment, let me know!

No Age, Weirdo Riippers